Twitterpated

 Let me go on the record officially here:
 "I invented twitter!!!"
I did it in 1995.
 Yes, it was done in a spiral notebook with a #2 pencil, but the concept was the same.

I was in 8th grade sitting in class bored to tears, and naturally my mind would wonder. So I started writing all these random thoughts that came to mind. And the brilliant thing about it was the teachers all  thought I was taking notes on everything they said since I was always writing in class. Sometimes they were just verbalized impulses like "I'm hungry" or "This sucks". Other times they were finely or not so finely crafted lyrical epithets or astute observations of the surrounding world and it's workings.
Then I would pass the notebook around to my friends to read it. And before long Adam and Von and Carlos and Casey and Brandon and Josh Sheely were all writing thunks. Josh and Brandon's version got them suspended, not because of the book it;s self or the thunks, but because their thinks I've Thunk Book contained incriminating evidence of things they did that were suspension worthy.  Just like the idiots that commit crimes and then tweet about it or post a video of it on youtube.

So you can see I did invent Twitter. I just didn't have the technology to disseminate my thunks  in real time. No one did. It was 1995!  

In 1995 the internet was still something you could only do when no one was expecting a phone call.  The only browser in existence was Netscape. 90% of the people on  twitter have never even heard of Netscape because it vanished from existence sometime in 1999. In 1995 you got to see your webpage download one 3 pixel width line at a time. When someone said "It'll just take a few minutes to download the webpage"  the other person would reply  "Wow that AOL version 2.0 is great."


So yes, I did invent Twitter. At least the concept anyway, I don't pretend to have  written computer code or anything like that. I would contest this civilly in court for the billions of dollars I am rightfully due. Unfortunately my original thinks I've thunk books have long since been destroyed.  Done so for my own protection. I never forgot the plight of Brandon and Josh from that year, and as I matured me it became expedient that I should rid myself of such a poignent example of my former immaturity. I mean I was 15 what do your think was on my mind and how would it look to have that associated with me now. High school yearbooks are bad enough, they only show the outside of a person. My thinks I;ve thunk books go straight to where my soul would have been had I of had one at the time.   Also I tended to write more than 140 characters worth per thought. But that only goes to show I invented the blog as well.

At any rate I have decided not to challenge the empire that is Twitter. I prefer to think of Twitter as my free gift to humanity. And unlike the "Real Napster" as portrayed by Seth Green in the Italian Job, I reserve no Twitter title for myself. Instead I shall now dedicate my life to the task I inadvertently took up over half my life ago; bringing Thinks I've Thunk to the World. And if Twitter contributes to making it be so, so be it!