As I have been writing all of these 40 for 40 posts I have been aware that my wife has been slightly unnerved at what I might say. The post on my grandparents, and Piotr from Poland probably perturbed her slightly.  
Certainly she has known me to put my foot in my mouth more than once. Things don't often come out of my mouth as I intended them, nor are they always interpreted with the meaning I wished to convey. My ability to convery sincerity in person leave a lot ot be desired. I get a little shy and it comes across as if I am unsure and have something to hide. 

I had Will Smith in the original aborted 30 for 30. At the time I said I was referring more to the character he played in the Fresh Prince of Bel Air tv show more-so than Willard Smith the actor (yeah that's right Willard is his real name). That all holds up. Everything I said about making every personal interaction with others a free performance is a lesson I wish I paid more attention to today. It's very "carpe diem," and "you never know how much time you have with the ones you love. " Both are sentiments that absolutely saturate the lead up to a 40th Birthday.  

Thus far in the countdown it has been pretty straight forward to reminisce, recall fond memories, tell some less than flattering stories about people I haven't seen in 20 years , express some regret that ultimately dissipates "in the grand scheme of things," and let my inferiority complex run rampant as I state the qualities of individuals I aspire to, but will never equal.
That formula doesn't strike the right tone for people with whom I have regular contact and share DNA. And at this point I am down to my nuclear family. Begrudging admiration for a no-nonsense teacher or a tough-as-nails coach seems appropriate. It is not the sentiment I want to engender towards my family. Gratitude is.

Aging and birthdays walk hand in hand with reflection, and reflection can spur regret. But that isn't really the sentiment I want to convey either. Also as the day approaches, I am counting the days and feeling older. That makes for a more somber attitude than the glory day reminiscing earlier in the countdown when my birthday was still months away.

When it comes to my family, I have few if any regrets. I have no complaints. I feel blessed beyond measure. But when I do sit back and look at my family, I do have this strong feeling of just "wishing things were different." I find myself raging against reality as I try to write this. The aspect of my life that I cherish most is my family, and that means it's also the place I have had the highest hopes and expectations. This birthday, as all birthdays ultimately do, forces me to accept life for what it is, not what I want it to be. And nowhere is that more apparent than with my dad.

​Of course the entire premise of Dr Fraser Crane is that he is a pompous, self-important, quasi narcissist that actively wants to be highbrow, out of touch with the common man, and yet, it's the common man either in the form of his friends at Cheers, or his callers and patients and family in Seattle that are his salvation. But I tend to turn all that on it's head, and just aspire to be a loveable snob. As if such a thing exists.  

​Both of my parents came from families of 6 kids each. So that right there says quite a bit about my grandparents. Corralling 6 kids is a challenge in any era ever. The fact that they were able to raise such large families devoid of instances of drugs, crime, or trauma is a credit to them and a blessing for me and all of my fellow grandchildren.