As I have been writing all of these 40 for 40 posts I have been aware that my wife has been slightly unnerved at what I might say. The post on my grandparents, and Piotr from Poland probably perturbed her slightly.
Certainly she has known me to put my foot in my mouth more than once. Things don't often come out of my mouth as I intended them, nor are they always interpreted with the meaning I wished to convey. My ability to convery sincerity in person leave a lot ot be desired. I get a little shy and it comes across as if I am unsure and have something to hide.
So you would think my best move might be to play to my creative strength and keep the details amorphous and abstract by instead writing my wife poetry. Ah Poetry, every TV nerd's secret weapon since the 70's
But my wife is not big on poetry. When we were dating I attempted to woo her with my best Shakespearean love sonnet. I was certain she would find it irresistible, romantic and heart warming. I imagined her looking up from reading and smiling. I expected at the very least an "awwwww, thank you honey." But alas, the reaction from my wife whenever I attempt so much as rhyming couplet is what I assume my reaction would be if someone were to give me tickets to the Country Music Awards.
So I have had to default to the other tried and true classic sitcom seduction technique. Be over the top cheesy and make an ass of my self in her honor.
Here is an example of how I have done it before.
I coasted off of that in my marriage for nearly 5 years. Luckily we had another child once the luster started to fade.
Here is the Original cheeseball love offering I made for my wife at the time of our wedding produced by my boy Kenny Holiday.
That was the bonus track on our wedding video.
You may notice our anniversary was only a few days ago. This year my favorite Celebrity Personality of all time, Alfonso Ribeiro announced on Facebook he had started doing CAMEO. While browsing the other CAMEO celebrities I discovered I could get Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, one of my wife's all time favorites shows, to wish her Happy Anniversary. I am searching for the words to explain just how perfect this was!!
Lets just say that if my wife some how manged for Tiffani Amber Theissen to jump out of my Birthday Cake, then we'd be even!
So I had my 2 year old go ask for his mother's iPhone to FaceTime his Nona so that I could then take the phone from him and secretly program Spike into her contacts from a google voice number. Then I went on line and activated an auto dialer service with that google voice number as the caller ID, and uploiaded Spike's happy birthday message. At the opportune moment I set the auto-dialer into motion and my wife's phone rang with the Spike as the caller ID. While I was sitting next to her on the couch. She hesitantly answered (Because I was sitting right next to her) and this is what he said.....
Now I know Spike probably says the same thing in countless videos to women of a certain age whose husbands are desperately seeking to appease them with something other than the same old bouquet of flowers, but obviously this time I think he really means it. I mean, he is talking about Christina after all.
And who is Christina you might ask? After all I never call her that. I have always called her Baby Girl. I started doing so when we were dating because I was imitating DL Hughley who incidentally did not make the 40 for 40 count down. (But maybe he should have).
Baby Girl, Everything I do I do for you, such as making that song (the extended version) our first dance as a married couple. Many of the other influences on this count down such as Star Trek, Tolkien, my sons, andBGTM, only became influences in my life becasue of my wife.
My wife is the single greatest influence in my life.
And I love her for it!
Thank you Baby Girl!
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