"You know why I hate cats, I’ll tell you why I hate cats. I hate cats because the only reason people have cats is so they can talk to them. And the only reason people want to talk to cats is so they can say they aren't talking to themselves. But they really are just talking to themselves when they talk to cats. I talk to myself all the time and people say I'm crazy. So if talking to your self is crazy, and talking to a cat is the same thing as talking to yourself, then people who talk to cats are crazy. And, if talking to your self is not crazy, then you have no reason to hide the fact that you are talking to yourself by talking to the cat. Therefore talking to a cat is crazy, even if talking-to your self isn't. Ergo, talking to cats is completely stupid no matter how you look at it!! Ergo ergo, there is no good reason to have a cat period. Ergo therefore, however, and also but because, cats are stupid. And if you have a cat, You can eat me!"
The Cat-Haters Creed